Grandparents Standing In the Gap

It certainly helps to have the assistance of an extended family in rearing children these days. This is especially true in view of the challenges of modern life with its break-down of marriage and social structures. Paul reminded Timothy of the blessings of his heritage. "I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded, now lives in you also" (2 Tim. 1:5, NIV). Yes, grandparents can have a powerful influence over their grandchildren. In God's wisdom He ordained that each child should have a support system of six adults. Next to parents, grandparents have the most important place in a child's life. The majority of mothers, these days, work outside the home in order to meet financial needs. Then there is the problem of single parenting. The tragedy of divorce leaves a big void in the lives of children. God said to Ezekiel, "I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none." Eze. 22:30, NIV. God is still looking for those to stand in the gap--grandparents who can take the place of working mothers or fathers. How can grandparents best help? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Support the Parents: Often children come to grandparents for sympathy when they have been reprimanded by parents. We may be tempted to say: "Oh, you poor dear, I am so sorry for you." A better response would be reflective listening: "I see you are upset with your father. Punishment is hard to take isn't it? But, remember that your father loves you and is trying to help you." Grandparents should listen with full attention and acknowledge feelings. A child who hears a word describing what he/she is experiencing is comforted. It is easy to give advice, but grandparents who are good listeners can help children work through their problems. When we accept a child's feelings, we are better able to set limits for them.

2. Physical Contact: Small children needs lots of holding, rocking, and touching. Grandparents can be a great help in meeting a hunger that all children have--"skin hunger." Touching is as important for emotional development, for a child of any age, as food is for physical development. Jesus was a "toucher." He said, "Let the little children come to me. . . And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them" (Mark 10:14, 16, NIV). Small boys, especially, need lots of touching --"boy style" physical contact such as playful wrestling, "give me five." Everybody loves to hug a dainty little girl, but little boys with dirty hands often suffer from touch deprivation.

3. Share Your Life Journey: Grandparents have a wealth of experience to share. So, pass it on. Be a storyteller. There was no place my boys would rather be when they were young, than on Grandma's lap listening to her stories. Moses said to the children of Israel, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:6, 7, NIV). Every child loves a story. Grandchildren thoroughly enjoy stories about simple things--like life on the farm with the cows, the horses, the chickens. Tell about the times when you got into trouble and what you learned from your mistakes. Get out the family picture album and talk about grandparents, aunts, and uncles, etc. Every child needs to know his roots. There is power in visiting with children, sharing your faith. Tell about the time when you gave your heart to Jesus and decided to be baptized. Tell how your life was different after you made this decision.

4. Plan Surprises: I remember my paternal grandmother. When she came to visit she always brought something as a surprise. It wasn't expensive but it was something we looked forward to and it helped to build the bond of love. Once my grandfather took me to the county fair when I was about 10 years old. We spent the whole day looking at animals and enjoying being together. Precious moments like these are times your children will never forget.

5. The Challenge Ahead: "Grandparents have the opportunity to pass on the experience-based wisdom that is missing in the lives of young people. And perhaps most important of all, grandparents can serve as a spiritual catalyst to the younger generation, demonstrating for them the reality of life in Christ. In today's world, grandchildren and their parents need the support of grandparents who have walked with God through adversity and struggle. They need to see what faith in God can do when times are difficult, what supernatural strength and endurance the Spirit gives in times of need." Jay Kesler, Focus on the Family, Mar. 1999.

6. We Cannot Give Our Faith Away Unless We Have a Living Faith: If my life is thoroughly committed to Christ and I have tested God through prayer, if I have seasoned my life with spiritual experiences, I can be a powerful influence for God. The Holy Spirit is looking for channels to reach our grandchildren, and we, as grandparents, can be that channel. Happy grand parenting!