Bumps ahead! Dangerous road! Children, especially pre-teens, need preparation for the rocky road of adolescence. High on the list of important things to talk about is peer pressure and how to handle it.

"It's only natural that kids look to other kids to see how they're doing and how to do things," says Merry Bullock, Ph.D., Parenting, Aug. 1999. Children naturally learn social skills from each other. "As children begin to spend more time away from home, the power of peers...grows and becomes more complicated." They notice who are the best liked children and they try to imitate them. (Adapted from Betty Holcomb, Parenting, Aug. 1999.

Dr. James Dobson tells about an experiment made by a team of doctors who wanted to study the effect of peer pressure on a group of 10 highschool students. The doctor in charge told the group that they wanted to study "perception from where they sat." The leader had three placards. On each one there were three lines, A, B, and C. Each line was a different length. The group were asked to raise their hands when the leader pointed to the longest line. But Larry didn't know that the other nine in the group had been secretly instructed to vote for the second longest line instead of the true longest.

The doctor held up the first placard and pointed to line C as if it were the longest. Larry was mystified. It clearly was not the longest line. But everyone voted that it was. These guys are all crazy, he thought to himself. Maybe I didn't hear correctly, so he slowly raised his hand. Next time the same thing happened. The group, all nine, voted for the second longest line instead of the true longest. Larry was really perplexed. To avoid drawing attention to himself, he voted with the majority each time. Larry was not an unusual subject. In scores of subsequent experiments, 75 per cent voted with the group. Only 25 per cent had the courage to oppose the majority. This is what peer pressure does to most insecure teens. (Adapted from Focus on the Family, June, 2000.)

Let's say your 12-year-old daughter says, "All the girls are wearing skirts this short. Why can't I? I hate to stand out like a sore thumb." First, be sympathetic and understanding. "I know how it feels to be different, but sometimes it really pays." Then tell a story, if possible, from your own personal experience to reinforce your point. During childhood years emphasize in conversation that "'Our family is not like everyone else,' and 'You don't have to be like everybody else. You can stand for what you really think is right.'" Dr. Kevin Leman, Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down, p. 308.

Share your spiritual journey. My mother seemed to be always telling stories about her younger years and the stories always made a point.

Parents can help children prepare for the rough waters of adolescence by visiting with them as you would visit with a friend. "How did the soccer game go this afternoon?" "How are you and Sarah getting along?" Then LISTEN with your heart. This sets up a pattern of communication that will carry over into adolescence. So, when your daughter wants to go steady with a boy she has fallen for, she will come to you and ask, "Mom, what do you think about going steady? I'm 15 now, you know." "Yes, I know the feeling, Lucy. When I was 15, I liked a certain guy. We talked a lot and I felt very comfortable with him. Then I asked my Dad: 'What do you think of Jake?' He said, 'He's a nice boy.' Then Dad went on to say, 'But, I think you are too young to go steady. I might not have gotten acquainted with you mother if I had gone steady with this girl that I liked very much. I'm glad I waited.' So make lots of friends, Lucy. Going steady cuts you off from other boys. And thanks for asking for my opinion."

Buy lots of interesting books for your pre-teens and teens: biography, travel, mission stories, etc. Help them get hooked on reading. This will take them away from TV. Develop hobbies and do fun things regularly together. If your son is interested in music, buy a trumpet for him, or whatever instrument he might choose. Encourage him to play in the band. Then always attend the recitals.

Dr. Dobson says, "I've been recommending for a least 30 years now that mothers take their daughters and fathers take their sons away for a short 'pre-adolescent' trip. It's important to talk with them about the approaching adolescent experience prior to its arrival. After puberty has occurred, youngsters typically become sensitive and easily embarrassed... The boy is becoming a man and the girl is becoming a woman--and you'd better not forget it." Focus on the Family, June, 2000.

Dr. Dobson goes on to say, "It is terribly unwise to let your child go through this dynamic emotional time of life having no idea whatsoever that the next few years will be different than anything they've ever experienced. Youngsters especially need to know this journey will not last forever. Everything will settle down again in a few years. Furthermore, it's important to tell them that everyone else his or her age will be going through the same challenges." Ibid.

Remind your teens that Jesus was once a teenager and He knows exactly what it is like. "Teach them (youth) that they are not to be swayed by others,...but to influence others for good, to ennoble and elevate those with whom they associate." Child Guidance, p. 407.