Talking families are thinking families. And the best conversation should happen over the dining table. The Bacula family (Italian) talked a lot over meals. Papa saw to that. He had one requirement: everyone of the four children--ages 5 through 16--was required to share one thing they had learned during the day. You see, Papa, never had an education. He went to work in a factory at 14 years of age. He worked long hours and he determined that if he ever had a family, they would get an education so they wouldn't have to work in a factory.

So after marriage and the children came along, he set up the rule: "Learn something new every day and share it at meal time." He believed that the greatest sin was to go to bed at night not having learned something through the day. At first the children resented Papa's silly rule but they complied. Routinely they would search the much used family encyclopedia for one fact before sitting down to eat. "Tamesa, what did you learn today?" "Oh," she said, "I learned that New York City has 10 million people living in it." After going the rounds, and listening to each child's contribution, Papa would lead in the conversation about things learned that day, or some other worthwhile topic. "Sarah, why do you believe there is a God?" Papa listened intently. "Can someone help Sarah?" Finally Sarah came up with a comment that pleased Papa. "Peter, what does the fourth commandment say?" Peter repeated the fourth commandment. "Why did God give the Sabbath to the human race?" Etc. "Rosa, how did your music lesson go today? What are you working on?" "Maria, what do you want to be when you grow up?" Etc.

Dinner at the Bacula table was a noisy, happy time with lots of animated conversation. Mama and Papa always listened carefully to what the children had to say. Every comment was taken seriously. Without planning the Bacula family was growing together, sharing experiences and developing in conversational and verbal skills.

The dinner hour is a wonderful time for Father and Mother to discuss such things as romance and sexuality. (Children are wonderful eavesdroppers.) Talk about credit cards, food, church standards, drivers license, etc. In today's world there is lots of talking "to" children but not much talking "with" children. Parents should "share the fabric of language," with children. This enhances reading and writing skills. Every child needs a "conversational partner." God recognized this in His instruction to Moses: "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up" (Deut. 6:6, 7, NIV).

The Valuegenesis study of Seventh-day Adventist teens tried to find out what keeps our children in the church. One of the biggest differences between children who stayed with the church and those who left, was that those who remained in the church, had parents who often shared their "faith journey." My mother was always telling stories about answered prayer and her growing up experiences as a Seventh-day Adventist teenager. One mother said, "Sally, when I was 15, I liked a guy very much so I asked God to help me get acquainted with him. And He did. We developed a very nice friendship."

Most children would like to discuss their feelings--especially their fears with their parents, but they don't know how. And many parents are uncomfortable talking about feelings. So, cultivate family openness, trust, and love. Yes, dinner together as a family can be a precious occasion. It can be a time for fun as well as serious talk. No TV or telephone interruptions. (Turn off the telephone ringer. You deserve 30 minutes with your family without interruption.)

Family meal talk should not be lectures, discussion of financial problems, or arguments. Keep the conversation upbeat with substance. Hold hands around the table for grace. Father or mother should give thanks asking God's blessing: "...and dear God, please help us to be a happy family with lots of loving actions." So make your dinner hour a place of learning--a table college.

"Mealtime should be a season for social intercourse and refreshment. Everything that can burden or irritate should be banished. Let trust and kindliness and gratitude to the Giver of all good be cherished, and the conversation will be cheerful, a pleasant flow of thought that will uplift without wearying....The whole family should eat with gladness, with gratitude, remembering that those who love and obey God will partake of the marriage supper of the Lamb in the kingdom of God, and Jesus Himself will serve them." Child Guidance, p. 387.