"Tonight, about 40 percent of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live....A generation ago an American child would reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father. Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to.... Fatherlessness is likely to change the shape of our society." David Blankenhorn, Fatherless America, p. 1. Trends in society are reflected in the Seventh-day Adventist Church. I want to talk about what it means to be a Christian father. Boys without fathers may become rootless, drifters, and rebellious. "...Few fathers realize their responsibility... All members of the family center in the father."Adventist Home, p. 211, 212. Fathers should symbolize unique virtues. Here are a few of them:

STRENGTH--"Dad, would you help me?" Danny was struggling to turn a nut in order to remove a wheel from his bicycle, but his hands were not strong enough. "Sure, Son, I will be glad to help." Danny looked admiringly at his father's strong arms and noticed how the muscles stood out as he applied pressure to the wrench. "Masculinity cannot be acquired by a formal course of study. It may be learned in the course of daily life from a father who serves as a model." Dr. Hiam G. Ginott, Between Parents and Child, p. 201.

AUTHORITY: God has bestowed authority on the father as the head of the household. "Children, obey your parents.... Fathers do not exasperate your children..." (Eph. 6:1, 4, NIV). The father is the law-maker. "...Illustrating in his own manly bearing the sterner virtues: energy, integrity, honesty, patience, courage, diligence, and practical usefulness." Adventist Home, p. 212. But those who exercise authority need not be authoritarian. Successful fathers "provide...(an) easy leadership" which makes children want to do what is right. Successful parents rarely appear authoritarian. "...Healthy parents are not 'heavy-handed'..." Eugene Kennedy & Sara Charles, MD, Authority, pp. 59, 58.

TEACHER--Every boy needs a father to teach him the joy of useful work: how to wash the car, mow the lawn, weed the garden, change a tire, or vacuum the carpets. Visit with your children as you work together. Express appreciation and occasionally reward them with something unexpected--like a crisp $5 bill. This will teach responsibility and the joy of doing a good job with Dad, their favorite friend.

Kurt hands Dad a note from his teacher. "Dear Mr. ___: Kurt is not doing his homework. His English journeling notebook has not been turned in all semester. Can you help? I would like to hear from you." "Well, Kurt, this is a surprise. I am really disappointed. (A long silence) Now, Kurt, I must answer this. What shall I say?" (Silence) "Well, just tell her I will bring my journeling book home every night until it is caught up. I really don't want to fail. I promise you Dad, I will do better. I'm very sorry. And thanks for not jumping all over me." "Ok, Kurt, let's shake on it."

My father would say, "I need your help, Charles. These carnations need to be weeded and this is how you do it." To feel needed was a powerful motivator. It made me feel important. Be sure to affirm good behavior. "You were on time," "You came when I called." A good motto is, "Give children a voice even though they may not have a choice." A child will never learn responsibility by criticism.

Another important lesson is the responsible use of money. My father once sent me to town to purchase some building supplies. He gave me some money and carefully outlined what he needed. He suggested that I shop around and find the best price. "Stretch the money as far as it can go," he would say. This kind of trust motivated me to do my best. The experience taught me more than 100 lectures on responsibility.

FRIEND--"Who's your best friend, Larry?" "Oh, this may sound corny, but I guess I enjoy being with my Dad more than anyone else. We have loads of fun; rock climbing, waterskiing, and bicycling--and even working together. "Fathers,... combine affection with authority,... associate with them (children) in their work and in their sports, and win their confidence. Cultivate friendship with them, especially with your sons. In this way you will be a strong influence for good." Adventist Home, p. 222 (Italic ours).

Visit with your children. And be sure it is a two-way conversation. Talk about anything that they want to talk about. Just before bedtime is a good opportunity--this is especially true of teenagers. When your older teen comes home from a date, wait up, be there to visit. Be a friend--but be sparing of advice. Be sure to tell about your faith journey --and what Jesus means to you.

Children can and do develop normally without a father living at home. But the mother in such families needs the support of extended families and the church. So, fathers, yours' is a great opportunity and responsibility. Plead with God for wisdom and strength. Nurture your marriage and be a friend to your children. The Christian home can "be the most sunny and attractive spot on earth." Our High Calling, p. 263. So, fathers, arise and shine!