Are You Missing the Warning Signs?

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Charles H. Betz, Family Life Consultant, Oregon Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Volume 5 Number 3

Are You Missing the Warning Signs?

Some children are "ticking time bombs"--yes, even from Adventist homes. What are the signs that your child, or someone you know, may be at risk for violent or deviant behavior? Most parents, even well educated ones, miss the signals or fail to act.

Violence among school children is increasing at an alarming rate. This should not be surprising in view of our violent culture and the amount of time that most children spend watching television.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry points out some warning signs and risk factors. They tell us that parents should pay attention to children who:

1. Collect and discuss information on how to commit violence or kill.

2. Verbalize threats or warnings about killing or hurting specific targets.

3. Repeatedly use themes of death, depression, or killing in conversation.

4. Undergo an acute personality change.

5. Show a preoccupation with guns or explosives.

6. Show a sudden down-turn in academic performance.

7. Frequently explode with anger at self or the world.

8. Defy school rules.

9. Have few friends and interact poorly with classmates.

10. Act impulsively.

11. Do not pay attention in class and get poor grades.

12. Say that he/she would not be missed if gone.

13. Are easily frustrated and seem to overact when things go awry. (Adapted from The Oregonian, June 3, 1998.)

Studies show that lack of supervision, desensitization to violence through the media, and access to weapons are risk factors that should not be overlooked. How do your children handle conflict? Anger is normal, but if a child finds pleasure in hurting someone or an animal, just for the fun of it, this should be seen as a danger signal.

Dr. Haim G. Ginott, a child psychologist, describes children who urgently need professional help:

Intense sibling rivalry

is a serious symptom. The child may exhibit hatred and abuse toward brothers and sisters. Jealousy seems to dominate the behavior and they want exclusive attention from parents. They display very selfish traits, as trying to devour all the goodies on the table. They are extremely competitive. If they cannot win, they will cheat. Of course, normal children may display some of these behaviors at times. But jealousy and sibling rivalry is not their predominate personality trait. They can enjoy games for the fun of it and accept defeat without too much stress.

Extremely aggressive or hostile

children also need professional help. It is very important to determine the source of their aggression. And their aggression is not reduced by allowing expression. Their "destructiveness is not accompanied by visible guilt." They may act with extreme cruelty without remorse. "They seem to lack capacity for sympathy, and show no concern for the welfare of others." They care little about what other people think about them.

Habitual stealing.

"Children with long histories of stealing need professional help." These children are experiencing intense resentment against all authority. They exhibit extreme disregard for the property rights of others. They will steal whenever the opportunity presents itself. Stealing from mother's purse might be in revenge for supposed mistreatment. Of course, normal children may "borrow" toys from their neighbors. However, the behavior is transitory. As they grow older they begin to recognize the property rights of others.

Intense interest in sexuality.

These children exhibit a "premature and persistent preoccupation" with sex. They may "try to engage in sexual explorations with other children, including brothers and sisters." These children have usually "been exposed to sexual overstimulation. They may have...been fondled...by a deviant adult." These children need professional help. Normal children, of course, show interest in sexual matters, but it is casual. Sexual activity is not an overwhelming passion. (Adapted from Dr. Haim G. Ginott, Between Parent and Child, pp. 213-242.)

Be Proactive.

Most of the above symptoms and problems can be avoided by physical and spiritual nurture. Children spell love:

T-I-M-E

Every day spend some time with each of your children--talking with them, listening to them, playing with them. Give them lots of focused attention and eye contact.

Share your faith and values.

Tell them how you found Jesus and how much Jesus means to you. Tell stories that reinforce principles of honesty, purity, kindness, and love.

Pray

daily with them and for them. Study the Sabbath school lesson with them. Daily family worship is of vital importance, and a Christian education where teachers daily impart spiritual truth is of great value.

Love your children unconditionally.