Some of us have "short fuses." We should remember that explosions damage us and our children.

Susan, two years old, insisted on putting on her own shoes. But mother was running late and feeling the pressure of time. "Let me help you, Honey, Mother is late." "No, me do it." Mother yells, "Susan, you must let me help you." Susan begins to cry.

Two-year-old children are learning a very important lesson--to be autonomous. And this sometimes exasperates parents. When you take over a task that a child feels capable of doing, the child becomes frustrated. Our impatience may impede normal development. Susan, in struggling to put on her own shoes, was following her internal clock that was telling her to take charge. "Let me do it" is a healthy sign. There are solutions: Susan's mother could have scheduled more time for dressing and allowed the child to struggle with the shoes for awhile. She might have explained, "Susan, this morning Mother is late. Please let me help you. You can practice putting on your shoes all you want tonight."

Larry, age four, has a difficult time letting his mother out of sight. Mother feels exasperated and sometimes gets impatient. Clinging behavior sometimes causes parents to feel that this reflects on their parenting and, of course, this only makes matters worse. Preschool children, who are just beginning to break parental ties, often feel insecure. This is an important developmental task. Dr. Ava L. Siegler says, "Reevaluate whether you're asking your child to let go of his need for you prematurely. When kids feel pushed out, they often cling for dear life." Child, Feb 1993. Take a few moments to reassure your child: "Mother will be in the next room if you need me. Now I want you to sit down and enjoy your Sabbath School program." This process may take time, but love and patience will help children to feel more independent.

Susan, seven years old, hates to go to bed. She will stall and stall and the more Susan stalls, the more frustrated her mother becomes. Mother often ends up yelling at her and pushing her toward the bedroom.

It is important to break cycles like this. Have a talk with Susan when both of you are relaxed. "Susan, do you enjoy these nightly confrontations we have over going to bed? Let's work out a solution. What do you say?" Susan shook her head, 'Yes.' "You know the rule in our home--bedtime for you is 8:30. When you stay up late and do not get your rest, you are irritable and it sometimes ruins your whole day. I'm going to give you a 15-minute warning before it's time to go to bed so that you can finish up what you are doing. I will tell you when it is 8:30. Then you must leave immediately for your bedtime duties." Susan agreed. Children naturally like to manage their own lives. By giving Susan a 15-minute warning, she feels she is able to form closure over her activities. And talking things over helps both mother and child.

Dr. Siegler says, "There are practical scheduling changes you can make that not only may help you increase your tolerance level, but may also help you to appreciate your child's attempts to grow." Child, Feb 1993. Understanding where your child is developmentally, will help you to adapt your parenting practices.

Your child's demands on your patience will be greatly reduced if you follow the good advice of Kay Kuzma: "Without attention, children don't feel loved. So if their love cups are empty, they try to get them filled with attention. They seek approval, they show off, they try to be good. But how often do good children get much attention? Not often. Most unloved children find they get more attention by being bad. Getting attention becomes such an overwhelming need that these children cease to care if it is positive or negative. Being yelled at or beaten is better than being ignored...

"We must spend time with each child. Cuddle, hold, hug, and touch when it's appropriate. Let each child know you enjoy being with him and are always willing to meet his needs. Spending time caring for his physical and emotional needs is much more important than giving things to the child." Living with God's Kids, pp. 80, 81.

"No good is accomplished by outbursts of scolding." "Take time to reason with [the child]." "Instruct them patiently." "To manifest passion...is to increase the evil." "Express your appreciation of the efforts they [children] put forth to restrain their inclinations to do wrong." Child Guidance, pp. 76, 33, 244, 245, 261.

"This calls for patient endurance on the part of the saints..." Rev. 14:12, NIV.