"Mom, are you here?" is the question most kids ask as they rush in from school. "Good mothering is every child's birthright," says psychologist Brenda Hunter, Home by Choice, pp. 32, 33. Dr. John Bowlby states that the bond between mother and baby is the "foundation stone of personality." Attachment, p. 177. Every child hungers for mother's love and presence.

If you have preschool children, don't get a job outside the home if there is any way to avoid it. Live on one income. Get by with one car, buy or rent a smaller house, cut every financial corner--at least until your children are in school.

If circumstances are such that you must work out of the home, talk it over with your children. Make it clear that they are most important in your life.

If possible find a grandparent, or a motherly type who can stay in your home. If a child care facility is your only choice, check the references. Here are a few things to look for:

1. Consider the ratio of the adult staff to the number of children. Dr. Kevin Leman says, "As a rule, with two- and three-year-old children...there should be no more than eight children in the care of each adult staff member." Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down, p. 100.

2. Visit the facility. Observe the interaction: do the children respond? Do they seem happy?

3. Are babies and very small children held and rocked?

4. Is the environment stimulating with appropriate toys and art activities, etc.?

5. Is the facility clean?

6. Is there lots of verbalizing between the care-givers and the children?

A good quality day care center can provide good nurturing. But according to government research, only 14 percent of day care facilities reach this standard. The greatest problem is the possible failure to bond with parents. So optimize every moment you are with your children.

It will take some careful organizing with everyone pitching in--including Dad--to get the house work done. Dr. Kay Kuzma says, "Many times, just giving your child a choice of duties to perform as his share of family responsibility, will result in more cooperation...(and) don't kill your children's willingness to help by demanding perfection....Most parents fail to cultivate child support to the fullest because they use the `push technique.' They push their children to hurry, pick up their clothes, to finish their homework--(and) the harder (they) push, the more...(the) children... resist. Instead of pushing, start motivating, encouraging, rewarding, and working together." Working Mothers and Guilt, pp. 10, 11.

If you are a single mother, cultivate a good support system. Reach out for help from your brothers and sisters in the church. Look for an "adopted" grandfather who can help provide a male image for your developing boys.

The biggest challenge for single mothers is budgeting time. (The greatest thief of time is your television set.) Plan carefully your together-times--especially meal time--with lots of happy conversation. Talk together as you work around the house, or in the yard. If you have boys, do a little rough-house play on the floor--wrestling, games, and stories. Capitalize on birthdays, holidays, Sabbaths, and Sundays. This will help provide the bonding so necessary for single parents.

Be kind, but firm. Each child should know the rules. But, don't run your home like a military school. Have a family council. Ask, "How are we doing as a family?" Solicit suggestions. Try to give each child at least 15 minutes each day with focused attention and lots of appropriate touching. Story time or studying the Sabbath school lesson at bedtime is a golden opportunity to build a bonding relationship.

Single mothers and working mothers should budget some free time for themselves. If you have friends at church, ask if they would mind looking after the children while you spend a couple of hours shopping at the mall or just doing what you want to do. You need this.

Avoid a perfectionist attitude toward your home and your parenting. Sure, you will make mistakes. Do not allow yourself to be pressed down with guilt. Children are quick to overlook our failures if we apologize. Just do your best. Trust God to help you. Pray each morning with your children and at family worship time.

"Your compassionate Redeemer is watching you in love and sympathy, ready to hear your prayers and render the assistance...you need..." Child Guidance, p. 173.