We were enjoying a Sabbath dinner with special friends. The main dish was spaghetti. Our youngest, Richard, age four, had a bright idea. "Look, Dad, this food is just like worms. I'm having fun sucking them into my mouth." He looked up with a big grin--tomato sauce all over his chin. Being engrossed in stimulating conversation, we had not been watching him. We were horrified! Our hostess smiled. Fortunately, the mess was safely on his plate and not on the table cloth.

We decided that very day to institute a refresher course in table manners. Small children, if given free reign, will eat like puppy dogs. Teaching civility at the table is a long, sometimes, painful process.

Is It Important? Yes, it is important. Not just for our reputation, but because we want our children to learn neatness, order, and self-restraint--not only at the table but in other activities as well. "Coarse and uncouth manners were never seen in our pattern, Jesus Christ." Gospel Workers, p. 91.

Elaine Minamide said, "It's not as though having refined manners is the be-all and end-all of life's achievements. Nevertheless, I still want my children to have good manners, not because I fancy them hobnobbing with society's elite, but because part of the privilege we have as Christians is to behave with dignity and respect for others. We are, after all, spiritual descendants of nobility, children of the King." Focus on the Family, August 1996.

A Plan. Talk with your children kindly--away from the table--about table etiquette. "We all like things neat and orderly. We are not like Rounder (the dog). We are people. It makes others happy and we feel better when at the table, we eat slowly and carefully without spilling our food. It is nice to say to the cook: `That was a nice meal.' When we are guests at someone else's house, and they serve something we don't like, we can sample some of it, and maybe eat it just this once, or not eat the food, but say nothing. If you get through eating before the others do, you may say to the hostess, 'I'm through eating now. May I be excused? And thank you for the nice food.'"

A quiet talk like this, with kindness and reinforced by constant example, will eventually win out. It goes without saying that parents must model good manners if they expect their children to internalize their rules. Consider the following counsel: "Kindly,...tenderly, parents are to work for their children, cultivating every good thing and repressing every evil..." Adventist Home, p. 268.

Eight Suggestions.

1. It's important to eat together as a family (for many reasons). The more children sit with parents at meals, the sooner they will learn what is expected of them.

2. Don't try to teach everything all at once. Select one or two manners to work on at a time.

3. Set reasonable objectives. Be alert to your child's ability. Eating habits must be in accordance with their age and abilities.

4. If your children are very tired from a hard day, then take it easy on teaching manners.

5. Finances permitting, plan an occasional meal at a sit-down restaurant. Talk to them before hand about the importance of demonstrating good manners.

6. Use resources to teach. There are many children's books and videos that teach or reinforce good manners.

7. Avoid using "Don't." Rather, challenge by saying, "Do." "Do keep your lips together while chewing."

8. Explain your rules. Teach your children the reasons for good manners--in all relationships and situations. (Adapted from Elaine Minamide, Focus on the Family, August 1996.)

When children see that your rules are sensible--they are more apt to cooperate.

Children naturally want to please their parents. If you have developed a warm loving relationship with them, they will try all the harder to please you.

Tell them that all of God's family will some day sit down with Jesus at a special banquet table. Now is the time to learn how to act.

"We are children of the King"