"Dan, did you take some cookies from the cookie jar after I specifically told you to leave the cookies alone?" Dan looked down at the floor, squirmed a bit and said, "No, I did not." "Please come with me." Dan's mother walked him into the bathroom and showed him his face in the mirror --with powdered sugar around his mouth. She was furious. She wondered how to handle it. Silently she asked Jesus for wisdom. "Dan, I'm too angry to talk about this now. We'll discuss this later."

Why do children lie? Of course, our natures are fallen but often children lie to protect themselves from the consequences of telling the truth. Dan was trying to avoid punishment. If your child lies occasionally, or steals, perhaps you should examine your responses to his wrong doing. Of course, misbehavior must have its consequences. But, we should avoid calling a child a thief or a liar, or predicting that he will end up in prison. Nor is it helpful to ask a child: "Why did you do it?" Usually children do not know their motives and pressure to tell "Why" often results in another lie.

Very young children have a difficult time recognizing the difference between fantasy and reality. Johnny, age three, tells Grandpa: "I got a live elephant for Christmas." Grandpa could have said, "Now, Johnny, that's a lie. You know that it's not true." But, he responded, "What you mean, Johnny, is that you wish you had a live elephant."

Dr. Haim G. Ginott said, "Do not provoke the child into defensive lying,... When a child does lie, our reaction should be not hysterical and moralistic, but factual and realistic. We want our child to learn that there is no need to lie to us." Between Parent and Child, p. 71.

Look for stories that teach the value of truthfulness. Share Bible teaching without being preachy or moralistic.

Dan was ready for bed. His mother sat down on the sofa and pulled him close to her. Instead of an angry outburst, she talked to him quietly about truthfulness. She told him a story about a time when she told a lie, what happened, and how she determined that she would never tell another lie. "Dan, I promised the Welfare Center that I would bring two dozen cookies. There were just 24 cookies in the jar and since you ate two of them, I must make another batch. Now, the consequence of your behavior is that you must pay mother $1.00 out of your savings to help pay for the new batch of cookies. Is that fair enough?" Dan was so relieved that he nodded his head vigorously. "Mother, I will never lie again. And I'm going to ask Jesus to help me to always tell the truth." They knelt together. Mother prayed and then Dan prayed a beautiful prayer. This approach was much better than a spanking.

Stealing.

Mother and Joe were visiting a friend who had a boy about Joe's age. Later, when they arrived home, Joe took a little red toy car from his pocket and began to play with it. "Joe, where did you get the red car?" Joe did not answer. "That car belongs to Mike. It's wrong to take things that belong to other people. We are going back to Mike's house and you must give him the car and tell him you're sorry." "But, Mommy, I like this car." "Yes, I know you like it, but it belongs to someone else." Mother took Joe by the hand, drove over to Mike's house and Joe handed the car to Mike. "Joe, what do you say?" "Mike, I'm sorry I took your car." Joe, who had just turned three, was learning the principle of ownership. He knew that the little car belonged to his friend, but he wanted it so he took it. Joe learned a very important lesson at a very young age.

Let's say, you are missing a dollar out of your purse and you saw Tommy, age six, in your room, purse in hand. Say, "I know you took a dollar from my purse, now give it back." When you receive the money, you should tell him sternly, "Now, Tommy, that is stealing. When you need money, ask me and we'll talk about it." If the child denies the theft, do not argue or beg, simply say, "You took the money, now return it immediately." There should be appropriate consequences.

The child should know what thievery does--it hurts another person. "Larry, how would you feel if Lonny took $10 from your drawer that you were saving for a new bicycle?" Help children experience the feelings of others who have been hurt by their actions. Use stories and Bible truths to reinforce honesty and truthfulness.

Of course, modeling honesty and truthfulness is the very best method of teaching these virtues.