Top Eight Communication Killers to Avoid

TOP EIGHT COMMUNICATION KILLERS TO AVOID

1. SARCASM—Sarcasm is one of the biggest communication killers. Although some initially may think of sarcasms sharp-edged humor or wit, sarcasm is actually veiled anger and hostility.

2. SHADOW TALK—Shadow talk occurs when one partner does not directly let the other know clearly what he or she wants, feels, or expects. Shadow talk is often learned in childhood and is an attempt to test another’s feeling about something without risking rejection.

3. OVERGENERALIZATIONS—Overgeneralizations are inaccurate statements that make the other person feel defensive or uncomfortable. Their use can disrupt communication and often lead to conflict. Overgeneralization often begins, “You always…” or “You never….”

4. INACCURATE ASSUMPTIONS—Most misunderstanding could be avoided if we did not make inaccurate assumptions. For example, Jack loves to play golf and expects his wife to love golf also. When she does not share his enthusiasm, he becomes angry. He is inaccurately assuming that she shares, and should share, his love of golf.

5. CULTURAL DIFFERENCES—Couples who come from very different national, racial, socioeconomic, or religious cultures face some obvious barriers to communication. Each partner brings quite different values, attitudes, aspirations, customs, and styles of living. Vast cultural differences can result in the marriage partner having different frames of reference that can make understanding rather difficult. This type of marriage has a higher divorce rate than do marriages where partners have more similar cultural backgrounds.

6. MIND GAMES—Few things destroy communication and relationships as effectively as mind games. A mind game or psychological game is interaction between two people that appears to be honest but has a hidden agenda beneath the surface. There is dishonesty and deceit. One person is manipulating the other.

7. INTIMIDATION—We can intimidate each other in many ways like throwing a temper tantrum, engaging in actual physical abuse, ridiculing, threatening to leave, or becoming very cold and sullen.

8. SENDING CONTRADICTORY MESSAGES—“How would you like to go camping this weekend?” he asks with an excited expression on his face. “The forecast is for great weather. It will be fun.” “Yes, that would be good,” she replies. However, her facial expression is one of boredom and slight irritation. He is confused. She is sending two conflicting messages. Her words say, “Yes.” Her body language says, ”No.” Which does she mean? Contradictory communication is confusing and requires extra effort to be understood and interpreted.