Patience Ranks High On God's Standard of Love

When asked, parents will say without hesitation that they love their children. But what does that mean? Saying you love and acting like you love are two different things. At the end of the day, how can parents evaluate their interactions with their children and determine if their love got through?

Here’s a suggestion. Evaluate your behavior using 1 Corinthians 13 as a standard.
There are 14 characteristics of love given before the grand finale announcing that Love never fails.

Here’s the list:
Love is patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not rude, not selfish, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, doesn’t delight in evil, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. Notice that the list begins with patience and ends with perseverance, which is an importance aspect of patience. Interesting, isn’t it?

Are you ready to evaluate your interactions with your kids, today? Were you loving? Go down the list. Were you patient? Were you...

Before I go any further, I can hear you exclaim, “Wait a minute! Love is patient? But I’m a parent. It’s impossible to be patient all the time. The kids dawdle, they don’t listen, they don’t do what I ask them to do. How can you expect me to be patient? I still love my kids and I know I should be patient, BUT...!”

Knowing you should be patient and practicing it, are two very different things. Here are three things to remember that might help.

First, monitor your impatient words: Children’s concepts of time are very different from grown-ups. The younger they are the more time it takes them to process requests and get things done. And if you’re like most parents, you’ve found it doesn’t really help to say, “Hurry up, Quick, Pay attention, Quit dawdling, Snap to!” yet without thinking out comes those impatient words.

If you really want to practice patience, start by putting a block on hurry up words.

Instead, show or tell your child how he can do the task more efficiently, or help her so she has a model to follow. Then reward for efficient use of time. Be careful, however to not just reward speed, because haste makes waste. What you want to teach is that if you do something, do it efficiently, do it right.

Second, monitor your impatient actions. When I get impatient, I not only end up shouting demands, but my whole persona changes. My words are pitched higher and come out more staccato. And my movements are fast, pushy, and erratic. Even my decision-making ability is diminished! I make snappy judgments and say things I really don’t mean. Before I know it out comes a threat, bribe, or censure. And the effect on others? Well, my impatience seldom makes the kids want to hurry. Instead, their respect for me is diminished, they roll their eyes at my foolishness. But the worst effect of all? They mimic me. The next time something happens that makes them impatient, I am horrified to see my behavior replicated in them. Impatient behavior is easily modeled!

Third, model patient perseverance. Not every task can be done quickly. Sometimes you have to try again and again before you accomplish something. Let your children see you stick to the task, be willing to try different ways to reach your goal, and occasionally give up immediate gratification in order to finish a project.

As you work on developing patience, you’ll find it will be easier to meet the other thirteen standard’s of love. For if you’re patient, it’s easier to be kind. When you’re impatient the chances are much greater that you’ll also be rude, boastful, and angry. So start loving by being patient. And remember, patience is next to godliness. You can find that in 2 Peter 1:6. Obviously, God wanted to get the message across that patience ranks high on His operational list of loving attributes.

Dr. Kay Kuzma, wife, mother, friend, and author of over 30 books and hundreds of articles, is founder and speaker of Family Matters, a ministry to promote wholesome family relationships and reduce alienation and abuse. Kay received her masters in child development at Michigan State University and her doctorate in early childhood education from UCLA. After teaching for 25 years, she now has a daily radio feature, Got A Minute for Your Family? and has family promotional TV spots on Three Angels Broadcasting Network. She has been a popular guest on radio and television shows, such as NBC TodayÍs Show, TBNÍs Joy Program, Voice of Prophecy and NPR, and is a dynamic and entertaining motivational speaker and family educator. Her latest books include: Easy Obedience, Memorable Baby Dedications, Creating Love, Blessings at Midnight and Belonging. She and her husband, Jan W., have three grown children and a growing number of grandchildren. Dr. Kay can be reached at Family Matters or by email at kaykuzma@aol.com