Healing and Forgiveness

Jesus is on the victim’s side and He cherishes them.

CLICK ON THE BOOK TITLE LINK AT THE END OF THIS ARTICLE TO ORDER ”SINS OF THE FATHER”

A healing victim of child abuse said to me, ”I keep thinking I'm over the hump of being angry at what happened to me and then I remember something new, and I get angry again. How can I get over this hump and stop hurting?”

The answer is that healing does not consist of one big ”hump” that you get over and then it's all finished. Healing consists of a series of humps, but thankfully, each hump is a little smaller than the previous one.

There are things that can aid in healing. Victims need to hear that they have been wronged. Many of the old adages such as ”love your enemies” do not apply in all instances. Jesus said in Luke 17:1-2, that the person who causes a child to sin should be drowned. Jesus does not straddle the fence and hold out one hand to the victim and one hand to the perpetrator. Jesus says nothing about giving the perpetrator a second chance, and victims need to hear this. Contrary to what the perpetrators may have said, Jesus is on the victim's side and he cherishes them.

Victims need to see perpetrators face the consequences of their actions with church censure and disfellowship. They need to be supported and believed. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to tell what has happened. No one would make up a story of abuse just for kicks.

Should victims be forced to grant forgiveness to the perpetrator? Contrary to popular belief, Jesus does not insist that victims grant forgiveness. A closer look at Luke 17:3-4 reads, ”ƒand if he repents, forgive him.” Most child molesters do not repent. Instead, they minimize what they have done in order to try to maintain their status in the church. And churches have failed the victims by believing that the perpetrators have been falsely accused, or were just misunderstood. They have failed the victims by insisting that they ”forgive and forget.”

For victims whose perpetrators have never apologized, I offer my understanding: forgiveness happens obliquely, as victims take charge of what happens to themselves from now on. When enough good things happen that they realize they are going to be okay after all, they have a choice not to brood about the abuse anymore, forgiveness comes as joyous gift they give themselves.

There is a promise for parents who wring their hands as they watch their abused child struggle to regain a relationship with God and the church. Contrary to the old, unencouraging statement that God never forces Himself on anyone, is the precious promise in Philippians 1:6: ”He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it.” Your child, who grew up going to Sabbath School and loving the Lord, has God at work in him. It's not the child's decision to be a believer, it's God's! And the all-powerful God to whom your child was dedicated, is faithful to complete the work He started, even if it takes the child's entire lifetime. God will finish the work!

When you grasp the power of this promise, and place your child entirely in God's hands, trusting that He is always working on your child's heart, you begin to experience the ”peace that passes all understanding.”

Healing and forgiveness are possible, with time.

Marianne Morris is the author of the book ”Sins of the Father” about the true story of a predatory child molester and the people in his family and church who wouldn't believe it. Click on the book title to order it from Amazon.com.